Have you ever done or said something that you thought offended someone else, but you weren't sure? What did you do?
Well there are only two possibilities, either you offended them or you didn't. Here are two short anecdotes about what to do in either case.
CASE 1 - You DIDN'T Say Something Wrong
"Did I offend him? Or was he just joking that he was upset? I just don't know!" I thought. It was my second day on the job at my summer internship in Sillicon Valle. I made a comment that may have offended my coworker but I wasn't sure. I sat at my desk pretending to write code but all I could think about was about the fact that I may have just made a really bad impression of myself very early on.
I was wondering and wondering. Finally, I just manned up, sat next to my coworker and apologized for the comment I made earlier that may have offended him. He burst out laughing and called me "a big cheese ball" for apologizing for something so trivial. I felt silly for apologizing in the moment, but after I sat down at my desk, I felt relieved. I could actually focus on my code!
CASE 2 - You DID Say Something Wrong
My tongue must have been cursed that week. Just a few days later I told my supervisor about a creative idea that I had thought about doing. To this my supervisor "ideas are a commodity. In startups it's all about executing. We can't have people leaving their regular work to pursue creative side projects. That will kill us here" I hadn't started the project, nor did I plan on starting the project any time soon, but based on my supervisors response, it seemed that he thought I was getting distracted from my primary work.
With both of these instances I spent a considerable time wondering if I had made a bad impression and miscommunicated. But part of me didn't want to bring it up to my coworker or my supervisor because I didn't want to make myself look even dumber than I already may have my first week on the job.
Later, I gathered courage to bring up my supervisors comment to him. I told him that I was concerned that I gave him the wrong impression and I explained what I had mean to say earlier. He listened and said "Oh, well actually you did give me the impression that you weren't focusing on your primary work. Thank you for clarifying. Now I know that you're on task"
By bringing up the issue I had successfully corrected my supervisor's negative view of me. My feeling of euphoria was even greater than after my coworker called me a cheeseball.
Why Bringing up the Issue is Best for Both Cases
There are two cases here. In case #1 I thought I had offended someone but I hadn't really, but the outcome of brining up the issue resulted in peace of mind for me and I was able to concentrate on my work after that. In case #2 brining up the issue resulted in correcting my boss's negative view of me. So in both cases bringing up the issue had a very positive effect.
The moral of the story is this: Stop wondering if you did or said something wrong to someone else. Rather then wasting your precious brain power wondering - Just bring it up! If you didn't do something wrong, you'll have peace of mind. If you did mess up, discussing the issue will give you a chance to do something to improve the situation.
Well there are only two possibilities, either you offended them or you didn't. Here are two short anecdotes about what to do in either case.
CASE 1 - You DIDN'T Say Something Wrong
"Did I offend him? Or was he just joking that he was upset? I just don't know!" I thought. It was my second day on the job at my summer internship in Sillicon Valle. I made a comment that may have offended my coworker but I wasn't sure. I sat at my desk pretending to write code but all I could think about was about the fact that I may have just made a really bad impression of myself very early on.
I was wondering and wondering. Finally, I just manned up, sat next to my coworker and apologized for the comment I made earlier that may have offended him. He burst out laughing and called me "a big cheese ball" for apologizing for something so trivial. I felt silly for apologizing in the moment, but after I sat down at my desk, I felt relieved. I could actually focus on my code!
CASE 2 - You DID Say Something Wrong
My tongue must have been cursed that week. Just a few days later I told my supervisor about a creative idea that I had thought about doing. To this my supervisor "ideas are a commodity. In startups it's all about executing. We can't have people leaving their regular work to pursue creative side projects. That will kill us here" I hadn't started the project, nor did I plan on starting the project any time soon, but based on my supervisors response, it seemed that he thought I was getting distracted from my primary work.
With both of these instances I spent a considerable time wondering if I had made a bad impression and miscommunicated. But part of me didn't want to bring it up to my coworker or my supervisor because I didn't want to make myself look even dumber than I already may have my first week on the job.
Later, I gathered courage to bring up my supervisors comment to him. I told him that I was concerned that I gave him the wrong impression and I explained what I had mean to say earlier. He listened and said "Oh, well actually you did give me the impression that you weren't focusing on your primary work. Thank you for clarifying. Now I know that you're on task"
By bringing up the issue I had successfully corrected my supervisor's negative view of me. My feeling of euphoria was even greater than after my coworker called me a cheeseball.
Why Bringing up the Issue is Best for Both Cases
There are two cases here. In case #1 I thought I had offended someone but I hadn't really, but the outcome of brining up the issue resulted in peace of mind for me and I was able to concentrate on my work after that. In case #2 brining up the issue resulted in correcting my boss's negative view of me. So in both cases bringing up the issue had a very positive effect.
The moral of the story is this: Stop wondering if you did or said something wrong to someone else. Rather then wasting your precious brain power wondering - Just bring it up! If you didn't do something wrong, you'll have peace of mind. If you did mess up, discussing the issue will give you a chance to do something to improve the situation.
No comments:
Post a Comment